I participate in a book group held at a local Unitarian
Church. Though we usually choose
our own books, in honor of LGBT History Month (October), both book groups at
the church decided to read She’s Not There: A Life in Two Genders by Jennifer Finney Boylan, about a James who became
Jenny. As expected, the book was
fascinating, but I also found it warm and even funny.
In the opening chapter, Jenny picks up two young girls who
are hitchhiking and realizes that one of them was her student (she’s a college
English professor) back when she used to be a man named James. It’s a surreal sort of situation, and
she doesn’t know what to say…and the girl never recognizes her. From there, the memoir flashes back to
her earliest memory, at age 3, the first time she realized that others saw her
as a boy, even though she knew she was a girl.
The story continues through James’ young life, as a child,
teenager, young adult, and beyond.
He knew all along that he was really female inside but struggled to
conform to others’ perceptions of him as a male. It’s a fascinating story of an almost unimaginable internal
battle. As a child, he came up
with the romantic idea that perhaps when he fell in love, that would cure him
of these strange feelings of not belonging. And he did eventually fall in love, with Grace who would
become his wife, and he really did believe for a while that love was his cure.
I think that is the most heart-breaking aspect of this book
– the absolute true love that he and Grace feel for each other. They have a happy marriage and two
wonderful sons whom they both love.
But eventually, Jim can no longer ignore the fact that he always feels wrong, out of place and in the wrong
body. He finally breaks the news
to Grace (who is shocked) and begins the long, difficult process of fully
transforming into a woman, eventually getting gender reassignment surgery.
Seeing inside the emotional life of a transgendered person
and the people who love her is absolutely fascinating, something that I’d never
even considered before. Jim’s journey to become Jenny is both heart-warming and
heart-breaking. Making the story
even more interesting is the fact that his best friend is fellow author Richard
Russo (yes, that Richard Russo) who writes
an afterword to the memoir. And,
yes, she even includes before and after photos that captivated me.
Although everyone in our book group thought the book was
interesting and it sparked a great discussion, not everyone liked the book
equally. I thoroughly enjoyed it,
though. I loved Jenny’s writing
style – warm, funny, self-deprecating – which helps to put the reader at ease
in this unfamiliar territory. The
other aspect that makes it stand out is Jenny’s unfailing optimism and positive
attitude. In fact, that bothered
some readers – that she didn’t struggle even more with this transformation –
but she attributes her attitude to her mother’s upbringing and acceptance of
her, and there are other transgendered people in the story who don’t have that
love and acceptance and are far less well-adjusted, to show how difficult this
life can be. Overall, I found this
book to be an excellent example of the best kind of memoir – one that tells a
fascinating story in a way that makes the reader feel as if she knows the
author personally.
300 pages, Broadway Books
